Love and Marriage

A book has been written and reviewed by many of the UK dailies that postulates that sex and marriage are incompatible. It is possibly one of the saddest things I have ever read - a whining litany of complaints against the 23 men she has slept with (tart!) by a 45 year old publishing executive, married to Hal, some poor sap from the city.

Now it may be that he is too exhausted by being a master of the universe to fancy a bit of conjugals when he gets home, and to be fair, that's not a flattering photo of her (if it is, then God knows how she shagged 23 blokes), but to have effectively unilaterally decided that she will remain celibate within her marriage until the children are grown up is selfish in the extreme, not to mention breathtakingly hubristic. She also laughably maintains that she will then embark on a "sexual odyssey" to find a man who will reliably "give" her an orgasm. Well that had me rolling on the floor. Sister, if you've got to the age of 45, having tried 23 blokes and still reckon an orgasm is something that comes giftwrapped like an expensive bauble from Tiffanys, then a lifetime of disappointment awaits! I may only be a sexual lightweight with 5 knobs under my belt, but hey, I enjoyed screwing every one.

But this issue of women effectively thinking that because they no longer fancy their man, that's ok & he has to put up with it and carry on paying the bills and not seek satisfaction elsewhere otherwise they will divorce him, bankrupt him and sever his children from his life is as common as it is monstrous. Women in middle age no longer being bothered to swing from the ikea light fittings is not a modern phenomenon. However, in the past, it was tacitly accepted that the husband may make other arrangements on the side and as long as he was discreet and came home for his tea, little was said.

Now, am I wrong in thinking that modern men have become so emasculated that they no longer have any say in the ending of their sex lives? I don't actually subscribe to the cliche that men just want sex - there are plenty enough around that want physical affection. That certainly includes sex, but doesn't exclude a cuddle afterwards, a touch, a kiss, a caress, an acceptance of their physical existence. Does a man who's wife will no longer touch or acknowledge him physically feel loved, or believe that his wife still loves him? Does a man expect love to be expressed through sex in marriage? But conversely, assuming he comes to a discreet arrangement on the side, does he expect his mistress to have sex with him without love? Perhaps he's quite happy for the mistress to love him as long as it places no restraints or expectations upon him? I must admit a personal interest in the answer to the last point. Comments welcome - from men or women.