Philosophy of Infidelity

I've been reading the Philosophy of Infidelity blog; I recommend it as well written & honest. I particularly find it interesting that he's not afraid to say that he fell deeply in love with his mistress S. However, as he now admits, married man & single lover is not a good combination, and they eventually separated. He emphasises that working on your marriage has always got to be a better bet & I concur - yet we're all human. Oh, and his number 1 rule is: Never have an affair with a co-worker; everyone in the office will know and its inescapable when it all goes wrong. Again, I concurr but I'm human...

I have always been quite highly sexed and spend a fair amount of time thinking, reading, looking at or actually having sex (even if its alone, in the work bogs cos I'm bored), but I'm aware that sex without the expression of affection and tenderness (backing away from the L word, because its not quite the same) is empty and pointless and simply unsatisfying for me.

I know that I have an obsession, an addiction to giving head. Its one of the few pastimes in which I can totally lose myself in the moment, and a fair part of the attraction is that its a "safe" way to give pleasure, to show that tenderness, to be almost nurturing, without giving anything of yourself away. Its like an emotional condom - I could give blowjobs for hours and have the emotional release without getting emotionally attached. And as for my own physical pleasure - well the delight of bringing someone to orgasm with my lips and tongue, feeling their body rise, tense, release as a gush, feeling their muscle tension, hearing their breath, perhaps even a muttered word, particularly when I did it all myself, well, its wonderful in itself but as part of a longer session, I've been known to come in unison.

Oh Christ I want more sex. But K cannot oblige with all I want, and I can't bring myself to pick up some chancer off AdultFriendFinder. So what choice do I have? At least I'm not emotionally involved. Yet. But part of me wants to be. Its like that urge to stick your hand in a bare flame - you know its going to hurt but some stupid bit of you is egging you on. Actually, all I want from this fling (its still a fling til tomorrow and I'll decide on the new label then) is appreciation & gratitude.