Becalmed at sea

I'm aware that my rate of posting has dropped off recently. This is mostly because I have nothing new to relate - there are only so many ways I can put "Saw D - shagged him". I have been attempting and failing to drum up a social life. I have identified that what I need is not a man, but a life. Unfortunately, all the good times outside of a bedroom I have had recently feature an offspring or two, and that is no way to proceed long term.

I have seen K a couple of times - I've even been in his new flat. That was.... a lot to describe in a simple blog. As a word association dump to give you an outline: Heart wrenching, bitter, detached, lonely, impatient, superior, guilty, miserable, quietly chuffed, relieved, horny, ashamed, motherly, lover-ly, nurturing, reluctant, exultant, sad, tiptoe, irritated and vindicated were some of the emotions and descriptive words that go part way towards summing up my feelings during the time it took to get a guided tour and drink a cup of coffee. Bottom line is that its over and he's not my problem any more, and worrying about him is detracting from the energy I need to rebuild my life. Tough but true.

D has been making considerable efforts to ask me my movements and invited me down for a "visit" at his hotel on my way past. I'm not sure he wanted me to stay all night, but I decided I would. I probably won't next time - good grief, hearing his snoring is a relief because it means he's stopped fidgeting. Temporarily! But I like him, oh I like him lots.

Over the weekend I called in to Hay, just to claim some literary boasting points. Unfortunately, we just missed Ian McEwan's discourse on "On Chesil Beach" (which is really rather poignant if you want reminding what crap sex is like). Whilst she was pottering round the poetry shelves in the various bookshops, I found myself browsing the Mind Body & Spirit sections, wondering if there was a way to magic up a social life. I came across a white (whoops, nearly typed that as shite....a Freudian finger-slip?) magic book of spells. I read the one that claimed it would draw my lover to me for ever. Well, even if I could be arsed to assemble the petals and rose oil and whatever, I'm not sure I'd want him hanging around all the time. There was also one for getting rid of a rival - you wish her good things apparently (and assemble even more crap) and she'll scoot off after them and leave the object of your joint desire alone. But then I decided that if by some coincidence, writing on a chicken's egg in green ink at moonlight were to coincide with a marriage breakup, I'd feel too guilty to get in there anyway, so best leave well alone. Too apathetic to make a good witch, I guess!